It's fascinating. Simply fascinating what passes as an insult these days. To be fair I wasn't expecting much better than what I got, but I loved it nonetheless and have taken it as a mark of my … how to put this … "success" as both a professional and individual.
I've endured a series of fairly tedious circumstances with work of late. Changes in management. Being pulled in different directions. Meetings where my only value was as a representative vote. Victories with "the board". Antagonisms because of clearly articulated, well supported thought processes. We were in a meeting today where the banter was thick with meaning and well intentioned claims. Where the group lead was pontificating about previous successes, captain's calls where we all knew the outcome had already been decided and where the group was more of a workhorse/whipping boy than a place for consultation or interest in the result.
We were discussing something fascinating I'm sure, and where I had cause to smile wryly to myself. Clearly not enough to myself and soon I found myself debating a point to within an inch of its insignificant life. Not unkindly I had "won" the argument. On reflection, I hadn't done much to secure this win, rather had the temerity to relentlessly point out the facts of the matter, smiling and waving on the way through because really, it didn't matter. I watched the protagonist blanche, turn red, realise that victory was not hers and where she stammered …
"Well, stop being so … smart".
Being smart was the most demeaning thing that she could think of. That was the best that she could come up with. As she quickly moved on from the discussion and into a space where she could once again control, dominate and bulldoze her point across the line, I kept smiling. In fact I laughed so hard into my inner landscape that I was sure others could hear the roaring guffaw that tumbled from me. Turns out they hadn't heard my mirth and the meeting proceeded until there wasn't anything more to discuss. Well, the hour had elapsed in any case.
It's amazing how being smart isn't valued. This isn't standing on the pedestal that I know I have shouted from previously. Why isn't my qualification more recognised? More acknowledged? More present? No. This goes to the palpable fear of those who have the audacity to use not their title, or their past history or their perceived standing in the world. Rather what's between their ears to influence and engage people.
She said "smart" with a snarl and with the intent to wound. Unfortunately for her it had the opposite effect and where it simply made me more emboldened and fearless, confident in my place in that very point in time. In working with a "grassroots" organisation I find that there are two groups of people.
The genuine article
There are some truly honest, inspiring, intelligent, influential leaders. Those who say what they mean and mean what they say. Often to the point of it being painful and where the could be influenced – positively and negatively – by other, more forceful individuals. If they're not leaders, they're unashamedly them and with an honesty that is quite endearing.
The rat cunning
There's those who are out to get everything that they can by any means possible. It usually means they've clambered onto the heads of those underneath them without necessarily having the integrity of character that you hope is a natural part of being a decent human being. They've schmoozed, ingratiated themselves in a sycophantic way to the "right" people (usually their own kind) and used their iron will to bully people into bending to their will. They're not stupid by any stretch of the imagination, but they also don't like being wrong. Or shown up. Please enter my protagonist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp5St7hORyw
I'm aware that I am perceived as a threat in this circumstance. I'm also aware that I need to be a little bit careful in my dealings with this woman because professionally she holds rank over me and there's potential for some significant damage if I take the argument too far. This doesn't mean that I'm going to back down over … well what I see as the right and good thing to do. But it does mean that being "smart" is not the compliment that I think it is and that I will need to engage my other person smarts to navigate these waters.
All of my intellectual love to you xx
Nx
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